Many leaders I speak with are tired in a way that sleep doesn’t fix. Not because they lack resilience, but because the quiet scripts of service run deep: give more, hold more, prove more. The result is a life filled with responsibility, but emptied of replenishment.

The Radical Act of Choosing Yourself
What if the most radical act of leadership isn’t doing more, but choosing yourself?
Not as ego. Not as indulgence. But as sacred selfishness  –  the quiet, unapologetic devotion to your own energy, expression, and evolution.

Sacred selfishness is not about shrinking from service. It is about tending the source that makes service possible.

Why It Matters Now
In high-responsibility roles, self-abandonment rarely looks dramatic. It looks like generosity, reliability, and being the one others can always count on. These are admirable traits  –  until they become masks that conceal depletion. Without space for your own fire, even the most generous leaders burn out. Sacred selfishness reframes self-devotion as essential  –  not at the expense of others, but in service of them.

The Oxygen Mask of Magnificence
Think of it as the oxygen mask of magnificence. Just as no one would advise you to save everyone else on a plane before you can breathe, no leader sustains influence if they cannot breathe in their own truth.

Psychologist Arlie Hochschild’s research on emotional labour (1983) helps explain why. When leaders constantly absorb others’ needs  –  soothing anxieties, holding conflict, maintaining stability  –  without attending to their own, burnout is not a matter of if, but when. Over-functioning erodes not just wellbeing, but identity. Leaders become containers rather than creators. Reliability replaces vitality.

By contrast, when leaders model boundaries and replenishment, they teach others how to relate more sustainably too. Systems stabilise not because leaders hold everything, but because they are grounded in themselves. Your presence  –  lit, coherent, whole  –  is more powerful than your productivity.

Reclaiming What’s Yours
Sacred selfishness is not only about energy; it is also about identity. Over time, leaders can find themselves living inside roles written by others  –  parent, partner, executive, fixer  –  until they forget who authored the script. Reclaiming is not discarding. It is remembering what is already yours. Asking: Where have I outsourced my attention, my time, or even my selfhood without consent? This is how sacred selfishness restores the right to live from your own centre.

Indulgence or Investment?
It helps to name the difference. Indulgence seeks escape  –  numbing, distraction, checking out. Investment seeks sustenance  –  activities, rhythms, and spaces that nourish. The surface may look similar (a long bath, an afternoon off, a weekend away), but the intent changes everything. One is avoidance; the other is devotion.

The Return to Self
Sacred selfishness is not turning away from others. It is remembering yourself  –  so that what you give is generative, not depleting. You don’t owe anyone your burnout. You owe yourself your devotion.

Self-absorption disconnects; sacred selfishness reconnects  –  to self, soul, and source. It is not indulgence. It is investment.

From Depletion to Devotion
What if devotion looked less like relentless effort, and more like rest, play, silence, or creativity? What if the measure of leadership wasn’t sacrifice, but sustainability?

Leaders often confuse effort with worth  –  as though the harder they push, the more legitimate their impact. But devotion is not about proving. It’s about presence. Choosing activities, spaces, and rhythms that keep you lit.

Consider a simple question this week: Where have I confused depletion with dedication?

Boundaries That Honour Magnificence
Sacred selfishness is often expressed through boundaries. Not walls, but gateways to right relationship. Boundaries honour both your limits and your light. Saying, “I choose myself here” is not a rejection of others  –  it is an act of love that includes you.

Language helps. You might say:

• “I’m unavailable for that right now.”
• “That no protects my yes.”
• “I choose not to, so I can choose fully elsewhere.”

Each statement reframes boundary-setting as devotion rather than defiance.

Choose Yourself, Too
Sacred selfishness is about choosing yourself, too. So your light remains steady. So your leadership becomes sustainable. So magnificence is not a flare of effort, but a lasting fire.

Let this week be your reminder: you are not required to disappear to be of service.
Your fire matters. Your presence is the gift.

If you’re ready…

Reflect → Journal: Where in my life have I confused effort with worth? Or What part of my life feels over-occupied by others’ needs?

Explore → Try one bold reclamation act this week  –  a pause, a no, or a renegotiation that honours your energy.

Activate → If you’re ready to expand your leadership by leading from wholeness, let’s talk.

With truth and love